I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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