they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
