I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We have started to decorate penises.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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