hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
