well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
