look no pants
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
