I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
