I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
