I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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