I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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