Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
