im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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