can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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