i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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