allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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