he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
