We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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