maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
