so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
