.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
