We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
