Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
