She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
