All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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