I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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