the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
