The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
