nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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