his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
