What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
