can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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