well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
