she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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