I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
