We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
