I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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