My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
