Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
