someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm getting married
To pizza
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
