He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
