i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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