i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
