so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
