I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
