There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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