Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize