whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
