upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
