is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
