hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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