I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's like iHOP with fire
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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