How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i will never coherently bang her
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
