I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
