mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
