I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
