It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
