I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
