First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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