i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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