I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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