I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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