Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
