and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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