420 ftw
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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