I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
