i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
